Nighttime Comics Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program

TV's top comedians spent the airtime mocking President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration initiative, called the "gold card," characterizing it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Take

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new initiative that permits international citizens to purchase U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, or "top-tier" option for 5 million. The program's website guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"One thought here to wealthy applicants: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also meant to "get cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty costs. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these people truly qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow affluent international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval ratings amid economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of food items, and behaved strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative news defenses of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.