My Companion Always Wants to Talk About Herself: Should I Distance Myself?

I have been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome many hardships, which I admire. But, she's often taken by surprise by others. Her partner left her, and it was an unexpected event. Many of her friends vanished at that point, since they had been only interested in her husband. It shocked her. She put in more effort toward our bond, probably grasped more acutely the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, many of her friends vanished without her being sure why. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, even though she was very skilled at her work, she departed unaware of why things shifted.

Present Situation

Lately, we've both left the workforce leading to more each other more, yet I realize my position between us is to listen. I introduce subjects only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. In terms of politics, she holds unyielding views. I try to suggest factchecking or other angles.

She's been planning a trip to a nation I have traveled to many times and resided in for some time. I attempted to provide advice, but this was met with resistance. She purely just desired my agreement with her plans. I have come back from 30 days there and she wants to meet, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she will ever grasp the impact of how she acts on how I feel about myself. At this point, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

One option is to end things abruptly, yet this is seldom the easy answer that we desire. But confrontation with the goal of resolution demands strength and willingness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically an unbiased account. The second is to express how this leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no disagreement about this. Your feelings belong to you, after all. Finally is to question how the two of you will alter the dynamics of your friendship."

Remember she too holds perspectives, so you need to be prepared to hear that. An approach that works is telling to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for a set time."

Key Takeaways

Your friend could ignore your concerns, for those who hold onto a deep-seated story: they have a narrative about themselves they cannot let go of as it feels essential is tied to it and it's all they trust. It's tough when there seems no clear path in such cases, mere obstacles. Yet she could initially present defensively then consider your perspective. And even if you don't achieve a fix, you'll have satisfaction that you've been truthful.